Why close relationships matter so much

Why connection with other people matters

The work of English psychiatrist John Bowlby on attachment and the effects of separation helped show how important a stable bond with a significant adult is for a child. In a report prepared for the World Health Organization, Bowlby brought together observations of children growing up without family care and described how prolonged emotional deprivation could affect their development.

Observations by psychoanalyst René Spitz of children raised in institutions added to this picture. Even when food and physical care were provided, the prolonged absence of stable emotional contact was associated with severe developmental difficulties and depression-like states. In the most serious cases, the risk of death also increased.

A child needs a consistent, predictable and emotionally available adult who notices their signals and responds not only through physical care, but also through social connection:
• eye contact and a smile directed at them;
• questions addressed personally to them;
• individual, responsive attention.

Without these elements, a person may feel unseen. We are deeply social beings, and close, supportive relationships become especially important during war, crisis, illness or other difficult periods. Connection with other people often helps us endure uncertainty and protect our emotional and physical wellbeing.

Today we expect more from relationships

For many people, it is no longer enough for a relationship simply to exist. We want not only a shared life and stability, but also emotional closeness, respect, safety, mutual interest and the possibility of talking about what matters.

At the same time, no partner can constantly provide another person with happiness and security. Closeness is not built on complete agreement, but on the ability to notice differences, tolerate them and negotiate.

When we speak about closeness, we do not necessarily mean a romantic partner. A meaningful bond may exist with friends, children, parents, siblings or other important people. One person cannot meet all of our needs for connection. Our wellbeing therefore depends not only on a couple, but also on a wider network of relationships — people with whom we can be different, ask for support, share our experience and feel that we belong.

The value of these relationships becomes especially visible during emigration, crises, illness, loss of work and other major life changes. When familiar sources of stability disappear, relationships help us live with uncertainty and gradually create new support.